HELLO MOMMA'S LIL MAN!  / YOUR MOMMA (MOM)
HOW ARE YOU TODAY?  IS IT AS HOT THERE? WOW BUB, YOU WOULD HATE THIS WEATHER, IT'S SO HOT YOU CAN'T STAND TO DO ANYHTING OUTSIDE AT ALL.I NEED TO GO TO WALMART, BUT...... I'LL PROBABLY WAIT TIL MORNING.
I FINALLY FINISHED MY 15 STRAIGHT DAYZ OF WORK, I WAS SO EXHAUSTED I CAME HOME & SLEPT ALMOST 3 HRS. 
I WENT TO BED LAST NIGHT, I JUST WNATED TO CRY MY HEART OUT. ALL I COULD THINK ABOUT WAS YOU. I WAS LAYING THERE THINKING OF ALL OUR GOOD MEMORIES. REMEMBERING HOW YOU COULD JUST GIVE ME THAT LOOK, EVEN WHEN I WAS UPSET WITH YOU & YOU WOULD MAKE MY HEART MELT. THEN I WOULD LAUGH. YOU WERE SO GOOD AT THAT! WHAT I WOULD DO, BUB, WHAT I WOULD DO!! I'M DOIN O.K. RIGHT NOW. I FEEL BETTER THAN I DID A MONTH AGO. YEAH, MY LIFE IS STILL, JUST WHAT YOU SEE. IT WILL PROBABLY ALWAYS BE LIKE THIS. IF GOD HAS OTHER PLANS FOR ME, I AM SURE HE WILL FIND A WAY TO OPEN DOORS FOR ME. HE HAS ALL MY LIFE, I GUESS. THE ONLY THING I WILL EVER QUESTION, ALWAYS, WILL BE LOSING YOU. WHAT WAS THE PURPOSE OF TAKING YOU FROM ME. WHY COULDN'T YOU HAVE JUST LIVED THRU IT. WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE YOUR JUGULAR? WHY NOT JUST THE OTHER WOUNDS? WE WOULD HAVE ALL LEARNED ALOT FROM JUST THAT. IF THIS WAS A TEACHING THING, WHAT IS IT EXACTLY AM I SUPPOSE TO LEARN? I ALREADY KNEW WHAT PAIN FELT LIKE, I GUESS I NEEDED TO FEEL TIS PAIN, SO THE OTHER WOULDN'T BE SUCH A BIG DEAL. THING IS, I STILL SUFFER THAT PAIN ALSO. I WILL FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. 
LOSS IS SUCH A SMALL BUT HUGE WORD. I WONDER ALWAYS WHAT WILL BE NEXT. I CANNOT IMAGINE LOSING MY MOTHER, FATHER'S, MY SIBLINGS. NOT AFTER I HAVE HAD THE LOSS OF YOU. THEY ARE MY ROCK. EVEN THOUGH WE DON'T GET TO SPEND ALOT OF TIME TOGETHER, THEY ARE MY ROCK, THE ONE SOLID PIECE IN MY LIFE & I KNOW , NO MATTER HWAT OR HOW STUPID THEY WILL FOREVER BE HERE FOR ME & ME FOR THEM. I AM SO VERY THANKFUL FOR THEM.
WELL I'M GONNA GO BUB.
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART & SOUL,
YOUR LOVING MOMMA Close

He's on his way!!  / Aunt Sheila

Jordy, that would be my long-time friend and fellow biker, Phil Trout, from south Zanesville. We lost him Tues. to a massive heart attack. I just found out today and the calling hours were tonite. We bury him tommorrow. We will all be riding in honor of him. I know he's probably already there with you, I know he has found you by now! You asked me a couple of times to take you for a ride, remember? I just wasn't willin' to take a chance with your life. Guess what Baby?? Phil has a Heritage Softail and him going to heaven won't stop him from riding, so it looks like you will finally get that ride kiddo!! I asked him tonite, to look for you, to find you and watch over you for us, until we all meet up again!!Phil was always there for me, ALWAYS!! So, I know he will be this time as well. Have fun you two!!! May you forever ride together in the wind!!!!! LOVE YOU BOTH OXOXOXOX

Close

I LOVE YOU SOOOOO!!  / YOUR MOMMA (MOM)
HEY, BUB
I WILL BE GONE FOR 5 DAYS. I TOOK THE INITIATIVE & DECIDED TO GO ON ONE OF LONGABERGER'S TRIPS. I AM SORT OF NERVOUS, BUT EXCITED AT THE SAME TIME. IT TO GETTYSBURG PA. AT THE BOYD BEAR FACTORY. I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO GO & THE MONEY WILL BE GREAT!!! 13-14 HRS. A DAY. THEY PAY FOR OUR FOOD & EVERYTHING ELSE. I WILL BE ON OVERTIME MY SECOND DAY THERE. A BREAK IS WHAT I NEED!! IT WILL BE MY FIRST TIME AWAY FROM CHEYENNE FOR THAT MANY DAYS & THAT IS SAD FOR ME, BUT I KNOW SHE WILL BE FINE. SHE HAS FAIR STILL UNTIL SATURDAY. SHE SELLS HER PIG FRIDAY & CHICKENS SATURDAY. I HOPE SHE DOES GOOD WITH THAT! 
I HOPE YOU ARE WATCHING OVER US ALL. IT SEEMS THAT KAYLA IS STILL VERY HURT & CONFUSED. I WOULD LIKE HER TO JUST COME HERE & SIT FOR AWHILE & TALK TO ME. I DON'T KNOW IF I CAN HELP HER OR NOT, BUT JORDAN I LOVE HER SO MUCH!! IF I WAS RICH & HAD A BIGGER HOUSE, I'D MOVE HER IN & TAKE CARE OF HER. I KNOW THAT'S WHAT YOU WOULD DO, IF YOU WERE STILL HERE.I WORRY ABOUT HER SO MUCH. HER LIFE HAS TO TAKE A GOOD TURN SOON!!! I HAD A DR. APP. THIS WEEK & CANCELLED. I WAS IN SUCH BAD SHAPE FOR A COUPLE WEEKS, BUT I FEEL BETTER NOW, BUT I WILL RESCHEDULE WHEN I GET HOME.I,VE JUST ALWAYS THOUGHT I COULD HANDLE ALL THIS & PRETENDED LIKE I WAS O.K. WELL I'M NOT.... FAR FROM IT! THIS IS MY LIFE FOR GOOD. I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHY I CANNOT JUST BE HAPPY., IS IT ME, OR DO I JUST NOT DESERVE IT? 
DESTINY........IS THERE SUCH A THING??? 
WELL I GOTTA GET THE REST OF MY THINGS PACKED UP. I HAVE TO PULL OUT A THE PLANT AT 6:00 AM. I'LL BE HOME MONDAY NIGHT SOMETIME.
JUST WNATED TO SAY, ILOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH & BE WITH ME & HELP ME TO PURELY ENJOY MY TIME THESE NEXT 5 DAYS. NO HEADACHES EITHER!!!
LOVE YA WITH ALL MY HEART & SOUL!!!
MOMMA Close

Missing the good times  / John Russell (Uncle)
Jordan, I sit and think what kind of crazy stuff that we would have gotten into had you been in DC with me!  Too scary! I remember soo many good times and some rough times that we shared together and I just would like to get them back, or help me take those memories to my Son's. Jordan I am nearing the end of my Military career after twelve years for Chip and Thomas! I think I need to be there as much as possible, regardless of the Love I hold for being a Soldier. I know what you would say if you were sitting here right now, and your advice has been taken!  I Love and miss you more than ever, and I will get on here as often as possible. I can't wait to take my two Son's hunting, and make them drag the trophy that we get, and I can't wait to teach them everything I know about being a Man and trying to live the right kind of life. I just want to thank God for what I have and Who I am  Love Ya   John Close

help / Kayla
Jordan
  Here lately I sit and think of where you would be today, what you would be doing and what it would be like to see your face. It only hurts to imagine. I actually have been thinking about a lot of things. Im not doing very good myself, I need some guidence, some help. Things have never seemed to be easy for me. I just want to get through the rough spots so I can begin to live my life. I always think of you when I pray to God and I think of you when I believe you would be there for me. Maybe I just think of you as my gardien angle. Please lead me in the right direction Jordan. 
                                               Kay Close

Always in Our Hearts & Minds  / Diane/Mom To Angel Jimmy Brozzetti


Jordan 
You are always in my prayers, thinking of you today & keeping your memory alive
Peace & Love
Diane ( Jimmy's Mom Forever) Close

She's so lost without you  / Aunt Sheila
Jordan, 
Momma"s soooo lost without you, she's so lost without you.... she's so lost without you..... she can't find herself......help her find herself bubba....please. Guide her, help her find herself, help her find happiness baby. It's not her time Jordan, make her see that.... please sweetie.... I'm begging you with everything in me.... Lay your angel wings on her.... If anyone can do it , YOU CAN!! OXOXOXOXO Close

HELLO SWEETHEART!  / YOUR MOMMA LOVE U. BUB (MOM)
IT'S BEEN ONE OF THOSE WEEKENDS BUB. I'M NOT GOOD FOR MUCH OF ANYTHING. NOT HAVING BALL NOW, ALSO IS DIFFERENT. I ENJOYED IT SO MUCH & NOW EVEN THE GIRL'S ARE MISSING IT. BASKETBALL WILL BE HERE BEFORE WE KNOW IT. I JUST TRY REAL HARD TO STAY BUSY, BUT THEN THERE ARE DAYZ I DON'T EVEN WANT TO GET OUT OF BED. LIKE THIS WEEKEND. I DON'T EVEN MIND GOING TO WORK RIGHT NOW. I AM MAKING GOOD MONEY, AND MY MIND IS ON IT'S OWN! I WILL PROBABLY HERE THIS WEEK ABOUT THE 2 ND JOB. WOW, CAN I DO IT? ESPECIALLY WITH THE MIGRAINS? I WILL GIVE IT MY ALL. 
I HAVE BEEN SO DOWN BUB. I KNOW I TAK TO YOU ABOT IT ALL THE TIME. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO DOWN, SINCE YOU PASSED. IT'S ME. THIS TIME I DON'T THINK IT WILL BE AS EASY TO PICK MYSELF BACK UP. I THINK IT GETS HARDER EVERY TIME. I THINK I HAVE JUST BEEN KIDDING MYSELF FOR SO LONG, THAT I DON'T HAVE THE STRENGHT TO DO IT ANYMORE. I REALLY NEED SO MEDICINE. I JUST HATE TO HAVE TO GO THAT ROUTE. I NEVER DID WANT TO TAKE IT. ALL IT MAKES YOU, IS NUMB. IF YOU JUST STOP CRYING ALL THE TIME, THEN WHAT. I REMEBER, YOU GET A BIG LUMP IN YOUR THROAT & IT JUST STAYS THERE ALL HE TIME. IT'S EVEN HARD TO SWALLOW.I FEEL SO ALONE, BUT YET I'M NOT AT ALL. I HAVE THE BEST FAMILY & FRIENDS. THEY CALL ALL THE TIME. THEY INVITE ME ALL THE TIME. I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE IT, YA KNOW. NOTHING AGAINST ANYONE, I AM JUST BETTER OFF ALONE. THATW AY I AM NOT BRINGING EVERYONE ELSE DOWN WITH ME. SO MUCH HAS BEEN GOING ON IN MY HEAD, YOU OF ALL PEOPLE KNOW. WHAT NOW BUB? WHAT NOW? I KNOW WHAT YOU WOULD SAY IF YOU WERE HERE. BUT REMEMBER, WHAT I HAVE ALWAYS TOLD YOU SWEETHEART! MY HEART IS IN A PLACE, GOOD OR BAD, A PLACE WHERE IT WILL BE FOREVER. YOU HAVE HALF,PART OF IT IS THERE. GOD, HELP ME, THAT'S ALL I CAN SAY. IT SEEMS FUNNY HOW OUR LIVES CAN DRASTICALLY CHANGE SO MUCH, SO FAST. LOSING YOU, LEAVES ME IN A SPOT, "TAKE NOTHING FOR GRANTED".WHEN YOU LOVE, LOVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART, NOT JUST HALF. 
WHERE AM I GOING & WHAT IS IN STORE FOR ME NOW? I KNOW ONE THING, IF I DON'T FIND A LITTLE BIT OF HAPPINESS SOON, I WILL BREAK INTO... I LOVE YOU MY SWEET DEAR SON. FOREVER YOU WILL BE WITH ME, I WILL LOVE YOU , YES, BUB FOREVER & EVER!!OXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXO
LOVE YOUR MOMMA Close

Been Bewildered  / Aunt Sheila
Dear Jordan,
It's been awhile I know..like the title reads"been bewildered".. I haven't been able to respond to the visit you gave your Mom in her dreams, only to Leslie, Tim & Anita. I believe you were trying to tell us something, that is why I haven't ridden, actually the last time on my bike was June 16th. I beleive the dream was on June 21st. Only a few knew of the events that took place on the night of Friday the 15th, events that put the fear of God in me! I rode the Big Brothers/Big Sisters Run the following day, but with fear, trepidation, extreme caution. Haven't ridden since, my 16k Harley sits in the garage collecting dust. I do believe that that is how God wants me to ride now, but I also believe that it is definitely not my time. If it were, I wouldn't be writing to you now. I recently had some work done on my bike, the 15th was my 1st ride since the work was done, a nite ride Jug put together. Within 7 mins of the start of the ride, as I was pulling into Jugz to meet the other 16 bikes, there was clatter, sound i had never heard. I made it into the parking lot and John and I started checking everything out, to see where it had come from. My front brake was hanging on by 2 threads. The guy had put new front brakes on, had not used lock-tite and not tightened them efficiently. We took care of the problem, but I was shaking so bad, I wondered if I should ride my own. John had just taken his passenger seat off, so I couldn't ride with him. I calmed down and rode. I hadnt gotten to ride with my friends in a long time and it meant alot to me to do this. I stayed towards the back of the pack, (i usually ride in front), i just didn't want to put anyone in danger. We got to Ridge Rd. in Zanesville, it was beautiful, curvy, good blacktop. I rounded a sharp corner, as I was halfway thru it, right in my path was a mound of  #57's (gravel), my front tire hit the gravel and the bike started to slide, with the left side almost dragging the pavement. I was able to get the bike back up, without stopping, without going down. I was shaking bad, and looking for more gravel.... then, out of nowhere, out of the trees, all I could see was this HUGE body, a deer, a doe, leaped through the air, landing directly in my path. I knew it was my time and we were staring right into each others eyes, thy will be done, I said it out loud. I could hear the 2 bikes behind me screeching. And then, she took 2 steps, while she continued to look into my eyes, she moved just enough to get out of my path. I could smell her as i went by. The 3 people behind me said it was the biggest doe they had ever seen, about 170lbs. they think. God saved me you see....  3 times in less than 65 mins!! It is not my time, make your Momma see that!!  I will ride again, but with the caution of a new rider, because of the dream, because of the events of that nite. I will say though, you really have freaked us all out!  Thank You Jordy, for the message, for your love. It will not go unheeded!
Tim brought a bunch of clothes down for us to go through, that don't fit anymore. Stacks of t-shirts, with funny things printed on them. They reminded me so much of you and I just said out loud, Jordan would love these. Tim and I , we just looked at each other and nodded, our eyes filled with tears and we smiled. We miss you sooo much. We wonder the same things your Momma wonders.... Where you'd be right now... Your Mom and your Grandma made me cry Sat. at Tim's Graduation/Going Away party, the words they wrote in his cards. He leaves in a few days and I think about him and Ash's road trip out and you know what? I bet if you were here, you would ride along and fly back with Ash! You know I am saddened by his leaving for Spokane, Washington.... but you know also, how very proud I am of him! He will be home at Christmas, and I will go visit him in late spring. Watch over him Jordy, keep him safe for me! Grandma Sidwell, she kept Leslie safe for me, all those years as an MP in the Army, kept her out of harms way, to bring her and the boys home to me! She's gonna be a nurse now, her and your Aunt Anita! I am so proud of our family!! I was completely shocked at the turnout for the party. There were only a few that couldn't make it. Tim soooo appreciatated everyone!! He KNOWS what a GREAT FAMILY he has on his Momma's side!! 
Well honey, I gotta go to work now.... come see your Momma in her dreams again, let her know, I'M NOT JOINING YOU JUST YET
LOVE YOU SWEETHEART!!! ANGEL TO US ALL Close

HI MY SWEETIE!  / Your Momma (mom)
MY DEAREST JORDAN,
I OFTEN WONDER  WHERE YOU'D BE TODAY. WHAT YOU OWULD BE DOING, IF YOU WOULD BE SO HAPPY, WHERE YOU WOULD WORK, IF YOU WOULD BE ALL UP IN COLLEGE, WHAT WOMAN YOU WOULD HAVE CHOSEN, IF ANY. SO MANY "WONDER'S". WOW , & US HERE THAT YOU HAVE LEFT  BEHIND, SO MANY OF OUR LIVES HAVE CHANGED IN THE 2 YEARS YOU HAVE BEEN GONE. NEVER IN A MILLION YEARS, DID I THINK THIS FAMILY WOULD HAVE TO ENDURE ANOTHER CHILD LOSS. ALL BOYS! ALL DIFFERENT WAYS. IS THAT SUPPOSE TO BE OUR FAMILY LESSON? SOME TALK ABOUT LOSING THEIR LOVED ONES,OTHER'S JUST KEEP IT IN. I COULD NOT IMAGINE JUST LETTING YOUR MEMORY DIE LIKE THAT. I DON'T EVER WANT ANYONE TO FORGET YOU, THAT'S WHY I HAVE THIS SITE. 
I SWEAR SOMETIMES I STILL THINK THIS IS ALL A DREAM & THAT YOU WILL BE BACK. I DON'T BELIEVE SOMETIMES THAT YOU ARE REALLY GONE. NO WAY, I NEED YOU TO MUCH JORDAN. YOU WERE THE ONE I TOLD EVERYTHING TO & I AM SORRY FOR THAT SOMEWHAT. I'M SURE YOU DIDN'T WANT TO HEAR WHAT WAS GOING ON WITH ME. BUT YOU ALWAYS WAS THERE FOR ME. I DID THE SAME FOR YOU, I GUESS. I JUST WISH I HAD LISTENED A LITTLE MORE INTENTLY. I KNEW YOU SO WELL, BUT YET I DIDN'T. YOU KEPT A PART OF YOURSELF SO RESERVED. YOU WERE SO OPEN , BUT YET SO PRIVATE! I MISS SO VERY MUCH ABOUT YOU.
I THINK OF YOU EVERY TIME I GO TO MAKE A DECISION. I ALWAYS AM WONDERING IF YOU WOULD APPROVE. WHAT ABOUT YOUR LITTLE SISTER? OMG I AM GOING TO HAVE MY HANDS SO FULL. SO MANY LITTLE BOYS ALREADY LIKE HER SO MUCH. THERE IS ONE WHO HAS JUST LOVED HER SINCE KINDERGARTEN, I THINK. HE TOLD ME HE LIKED HER SO MUCH, BUT SHE WON'T GO OUT WITH HIM. I TOLD HIM THAT SHE IS SO INVOLVED WITH SCHOOL & SPORTS, THAT SHE REALLY DOESN'T HAVE TIME FOR BOYS RIGHT NOW. HIS REPLY BACK WAS SO SWEET, BUT SO SAD! HE SAID, I AM SO SORRY FOR PUTTING PRESSURE ON HER SHOULDER'S, BY AKSING HER OUT. I KNOW SHE IS INTO ALL OF THAT & I AM SORRY. OMG, MY HEART SANK & I THOUGHT OF YOU. I REMEBER YOU TELLING HER SHE WASN'T ALLOWED TO HAVE A BOYFRIEND & THAT YOU WOULD CHASE THEM OFF. YOU STILL HAVE JOB TO DO BUB, EVEN IF YOU ARE NOT HER PHYSICALLY NOW!! I JUST WANT GOOD THINGS FOR HER. I'VE LOST YOU, AMBER HAS NO DESIRE. SO CHEY, IS LEFT & INTEND ON STANDING BESIDE HER ALL THE WAY. JUST A GOOD JOB & EDUCATION, SO I DON'T HAVE TO SIT AROUND & WORRY 24/7. YOU KNOW??? WE TRIED ON SOME SCHOLL CLOTHES THIS WEEKEND., WE WALKED BY ONE OF YOUR STORES & THEN ENTERED ANOTHER. AMERICAN EAGLE. I TOLD HER, I CAN'T AFFORD ALL THESE CLOTHES. THOSE WERE YOUR CLOTHES, MY GOSH 2 YEARS LATER, SHE IS WEARING THEM. I CAN SEE YOU TWO IN THERE TOGETHER , YOU PICKING HER OUT THINGS & YOU TWO IN THE DRESSING ROOM AT THE SAME TIME TRYING ON & COMING OUT & ASKING ME"MOM, WHAT DO YOU THINK?" WOW, THAT WOULD BE SO FUN! BUT HECK I WOULD BE SO BROKE!!!!!6TH GRADE THIS YEAR. JUNIOR HIGH, I THINK I'LL DIE!! SO, FASTSHE IS GROWING UP. I WILL USE YOU AS ALOT OF HER INSPIRATION. WE TALK ABOUT YOU EVERY SINGLE DAY. BUB, THIS, BUB THAT!! THAK GOD I HAD YOU FOR AT LEAST THE 18 YERAS, SOME ARE NOT SO LUCKY. THEN SOME ARE LUCKY & DON'T DESERVE IT.
WELL I'VE WENT ON & ON. LET LESLIE KNOW IT'S O.K. LET HER KNOW, THAT YOU FEEL HER LOVE & EVERYONE IS SO DIFFERENT. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO LET THIS PAIN IN EVERY DAY, THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU DON'T LOVE HER. SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE. WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT IN OUR GREIF, NO ONE PERSON GRIEVES THE SAME!! 
LOVE YOU SO, SO MUCH BUB & I'LL TALK TO YA LATER!
OXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXXOXOXOXOXO OXOXOXOX
MOMMA Close

Missing you  / Leslie Thurman (Cousin)
I was with my mom the other day and we were talking about you and your mom, and it dawned on me how I can't handle anymore the pain I feel for the loss of you. I avoid your website, I don't go to your grave and I try my hardest to forget about the night you died and the phone call I received in Germany, my mom screaming on the other end. Avoidance is not the answer because then I have days like today where I woke up with you on my mind. See I am going to Tim's today for his going away party up at Kent, and I know if you were alive you would be there too. You me and TIm and all his friends would party the night away. You yank on my hand everyday, but I just turn to you and say, " Bubba I love you, but I can't do this right now. I can't remember the pain. I don't want to feel it today, just leave me alone." I am a horrible person, just know I do love you. I do miss you. I wish everyday that you were here. Lane and Logan would so have loved you. Lane would have adored you, even at 6 he is already collecting skateboards, he has 3 now. I am just rambling now, if I would just talk to you everyday I wouldn't.  So anyway, I love you, I miss you and I know you will be with us today, just wish you were here in the flesh too. I love you bubba, with all my heart and soul. Close

You / Kayla (friend)
Jordan,
   I have been on the phone with Kara talking about you for about an hour. Things have changed so much the last couple of weeks. After you left us all of us girls ( me kristina kara tai) have changed so much. I told Kara today that Im scared I will never see you again. I mean when I come to heaven. I strongly believe that thats where we go when we pass but will I ever get to see you face to face again? Its so hard thinking about it. I am having such a hard time trying to love. Its not fair to wesley that I bring all these crazy emotions in to our relationship. Some of them are from my parents but for the biggest part is you. I am still totally in love with you. I dont think I can EVER love someone the way I loved you. Till this day I can feel it when I think about you. I dont know how to let go. How dont know how!! Will this feeling ever go away? Well I love you very much Jordy and I hope I can figure out some of this mixed cunfusion.
                              Kayla Close

I WISH U WERE HERE SO I COULD TALK TO YOU!  / YOUR MOMMA LOVE YOU! (MOM)
HEY, JORDY
IT'S BEEN  LONG WEEKEND. CHEY'S GAMES ARE NOW OVER UNTIL WE GOT O DRESDEN THE 20, 21 & 22. THEY PLAYED THEIR HEARTS OUT FOR THE LAST TWO DAYS, BUT CAME UP A LITTLE SHORT. THEY DID BRING HOME A TROPHY THOUGH.2 LONG DAYS IN THIS HEAT HAS GOT THE BEST OF ME. NOW IT'S WAY PAST BEDTIME, I HAVE TO ROLL OUT AT 3:00 AM & I CANNOT SLEEP FOR ANYTHING.I HAVE TRIED FOR 2 HRS. NO LUCK!! SO I DECIDED TO COME TALK TO YOU. I JUST WISH YOU WERE HERE SO WE COULD SIT OUT ON THE COUCH OR IN YOUR ROOM & TALK FACE TO FACE. 
YOU HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN WHAT WHAT WAS GOING ON IN MY LIFE. I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING. WE WERE JUST LIKE THAT. I MISS THAT RIGHT NOW.I ALWAYS SAID THAT WHEN YOU DIED, YOU TOOK ALL MY SECRETS. I KNOW YOU KNOW RIGHT NOW THAT I AM STRUGGLING, WITH ALOT OF THINGS. I AM SO CONFUSED ABOUT MY LIFE RIGHT NOW. VERY, VERY UN HAPPY! I ALWAYS WONDERED IF THERE WAS SUCH THING AS TRUE HAPPINESS. I BELIEVE THERE IS, YOU JUSTHAVE TO KEEP LOOKING UNTIL YOU FIND IT. I HAVE A JOB INTERVIEW TOMMORROW & I AM A WRECK OVER THAT. I KNOW I NEED TO GET ANOTHER JOB & I AM WILLING TO DO JUST THAT. BUT THERE IS A PART OF ME, THAT IF I DO, WILL BE LOST. SO MNAY FRIENDS THAT I HAVE HAD FOR SO LONG. I KNOW I STILL HAVE FRIENDS I STAY IN CONTACT  WITH ON A REGULAR BASIS, THAT NO LONGER WORK AT LONGABERGER. IT'S JUST LIKE 14 YEARS , GONE!! I KNOW THAT NO MATTER WHERE I GO, IT WILL BE THE SAME, THOUGH. I JUST HATE CHANGE, IF IT'S AT ALL POSSIBLE, TO DO WITHOUT. I GUESS I HAVE NO CHOICE RIGHT NOW. I BOUGHT THIS HOUSE & NOW I JUST SORT OF WISH I HAD WAITED. I WORRY ABOUT TO MUCH, I KNOW. I AM SO SICK OF LIVING SUCH A DRAB LIFE. SO MANY PEOPLE ARE IN RELATIONSHIPS, WHERE THEY DO THINGS TOGETHER, THEY GO PLACES & ARE INVOLVED WITH EACH OTHER & THEIR FAMILIES. I DO NOT HAVE THAT. I KNOW YOU KNOW. YOU WARNED ME DIDN'T YOU? I WILL NEVER FORGET YOUR WORDS JORDAN. NEVER!! YOU KNEW  THAT I HAD STOPPED LIVING. I BECAME THE BIGGEST HERMIT. I HAVE GAINED SO MUCH WEIGHT FROM NOT DOING THINGS ANYMORE. I NO LONGER FEEL GOOD ABOUT MYSELF, AT ALL.. THAT'S NOT THE MOM YOU USED TO KNOW IS IT? LOSING YOUWAS SO TOUGH. IT HAS TAKEN THE WHOLE SPARK OUT OF MY LIFE,I AM TRYING SO HARD TO GET IT BACK, BECAUSE I HATE THIS LIFE, BUT I AM FIGHTING A LOSING BATTLE. IT TAKES TWO, & I AM FIGHTING ALONE. MY LIFE IS CHEYENNE RIGHT NOW.SHE IS THE ONE WHO KEEPS MY HEART PUMPIN MOST OF THE TIME. AMBER IS SO FAR AWAY, I JUST DON'T KNOW ABOOUT HER ANYMORE. I WOULD LIKE TO SPEND A LITTLE MORE TIME WITH THE BABIES. I WISH I COULD GET INSIDE YOUR SISTER'S HEAD & EVEN BEGIN TO UNDERSTAND, BUT I CAN'T. SHE HAS HER OWN LIFE & I GUESS I HAVE MINE & WE ARE SO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT, IT'S NOT FUNNY! BUT JORDAN, I LOVE HER WITH ALL MY HEART & SOUL. THOSE BABIES ALSO. I CAN'T TELL HER WHAT TO DO WITH HER LIFE, SHE WILL DO WHAT SHE WANTS. ALL I CAN DO IS HOPE & PRAY THAT THINGS TURN AROUND FOR HER AT SOME POINT. SHE NEEDS A BIG BREAK SOMEWHERE. MAYBE WHEN THE AVON PLANT COMES TO TOWN SHE CAN GET HERSELF A GOOD JOB THAT SHE LOVES & CAN MAKE DECENT MONEY AT. THOSE KIDS DESERVE BETTER THAN THEY GET. AS FAR AS ME. YOU KNOW, YOU ALWAYS KNOW. IS THERE HAPPINESS IN MY FUTURE BUB? SOMEDAY AGAIN? I KNOW YOU WANT ME TO BE HAPPY & LIVE MY LIFE INSTEAD OF IT JUST PASSING ME BY LIKE IT HAS BEEN. IT'S SO SCARY, BUT GUIDE ME, JUST EXACTLY WHERE I NEED TO GO. LET ME KNOW THAT YOU ARE CLOSE & THAT YOU ARE WATCHING OVER ME, EVERY MINUTE. I NEED YOU RIGHT NOW, SO VERY MUCH!
WITH ALL MY LOVE, WITH ALL MY HEART!!
LOVE , MOMMA Close

HEY, SWEETIE!  / YOUR MOMMA (MOM)
HOPE HEAVEN WAS GREAT TODAY! 
WISH YOU WERE HERE.
WHAT A BUSY DAY!
DAVID GOT MARRIED TODAY. YOUR SISTER WAS A BRIDESMAID. SHE PLAYED AN ALL-STAR GAME FROM 9-10:30, THEN WENT STRAIGHT TO GET HER HAIR DONE. THEY WON THE GAME!! THE 2ND GAME, SHE DID NOT GET TO PLAY, THEY WENT INTO 10 INNINGS. THEY WON BY 1. WOW, WHAT A GAME & SHE MISSED IT. BUT THATS O.K. 
SHE IS NOT HOME YET, BUT I HOPE THE WEDDING WENT GOOD. I KNOW THAT RIGHT NOW, YOU ARE VERY PROUD OF ME. YOU JUST HAVE TO BE.
ME, CHEY, GRANMA & ANITA, TOOK OFF YESTERDAY & WENT TO YARD SALES FOR HRS. WE HAD A GOOD TIME. GRAMNA WASNT FEELIN REAL GOOD. I HOPE IT WAS JUST THE HEAT, BUT SHE SAYS SHE HAS BEEN FEELIN THIS WAY FOR AWHILE. KEEP WATCH OVER HER JORDAN!!I WANT MY MOM AROUND FOR A LONG, LONG TIME!
YOUR SISTER (OLDER) ONE HAS DROVE ME NUTS WITH WORRY!! I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND HOW SHE THINKS OR WHERE HER HEADS AT.I WONT GO INTO IT ON HERE, BUT JORDAN, PLEASE, PLEASE HELP GUIDE HER IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION! SHE NEEDS YOU ALSO RIGHT NOW. 
MY INTERVIEW FOR MY NEW JOB IS MONDAY AT 4:)0 PM. I AM SO NERVOUS.  I NEED THIS JOB, BE WITH ME BUB. HOW THIS GOES WILL DETERMINE WHETHER OR NOT I GET THAT JOB. THEY WILL LET ME KNOW ON THE 13TH.
WELL I THINK I'M GONNA GET READY FOR BED. BACK AT IT TOMMORROW. GAMES START AT 10:30. PROBABLY LASTING ALL DAY! I LOVE YOU & HELP CHEYENNE TOMMORROW, LIKE YOU DID IN "05. I KNOW YOU WILL!
LOVE YA WITH ALL MY HEART!!
YOUR MOMMA Close

I am so sorry  / BETH DICKERSON (JIMMY'S MOM )
Susan;

I am so sorry I missed Jordon date. But you and your family was in Tom and I pray that day and everyday. I haven't been real good at getting on the computer lately , just tring to survive. But I am here for you always if you need to talk. God Bless you and I pray that helping you through this very difficult time. Close

4TH / Nancy Davis

Close

Much Strength 4 U today & Always.....  / Shelly Alwayskennysmom
I am so very sorry for your loss of precious Jordan.Sending much love & strength for today,tomorrow & always....Shelly xo Close

TODAY! / YOUR MOMMA (MOM)
I AWOKE AT 5:00 AM. OF COURSE FIRST THING I THOUGHT OF WAS YOU. THAT IS WHEN , 2YEARS AGO YOU WERE LYING IN A POOL OF BLOOD DYING & I COULDN'T DO A THING TO SAVE YOU.YOU WERE WITHOUT ME. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? GOD, HOW I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW. 
5:15 I GOT MY HYSTERICAL PHONE CALL FROM KARA.
SHOCK CAME OVER ME.
I COULD NOT BELIEVE WHAT I WAS HEARING. BUT THOUGHT IT WAS JUST NOT BAD AT ALL. I JUST THOUGHT THAT WHEN SHE SAID , YOU HAD BEEN STABBED, IT WAS JUST A WOUND TO YOUR ARM OR SOMETHING. IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE WHEN I WAS DRIVING TO THE HOSPITAL, I KEPT THINKING TO MYSELF. JORDAN IS LAYING THERE RIGHT NOW, WORRIED THAT I AM GONNA KICK HIS BUTT. TRUST ME, I WISH THAT HAD BEEN THE OUTCOME.
NOW IT IS 6:32. THEY HAD ALREADY CAME IN & TOLD ME, "WERE SORRY WE DID EVERYTHING WE COULD".  NO, NO, NO, NOT MY JORDAN, NOT MY BABY! I THOUGHT I WOULD JUST DIE!! STILL RIGHT NOW AT THIS VERY MOMENT, I COULD JUST DIE! I CAN RELIVE IT & RELIVE IT & IT CHANGES NOTHING. THE PAIN IN MY HEART IS SO DEEP, IT WILL NEVER COME OUT, NOR GO AWAY! I LOVE YOU MY SON, WITH ALL MY HEART & SOUL.
TODAY WILL BE BUSY, BUT I WILL BE AT YOUR GRAVE. CHEY'S LAST GAME IS AT NOON. THANK GOD! I WILL BE THERE HONEY, IF ONLY FOR A LITTLE WHILE. YOU WILL BE HEER WITH US TODAY, I KNOW YOU WILL! I'LL TALK TO YA LATER!
LOVE MOMMA Close

In days gone bye!  / Mary Russell (Gramma)

Hi my dear sweet sunshine,
What we have lost is more than anyone can imagine,unless they have been down that road themselves,but what your mom has lost is not even explainable! Our Beautiful  Little Boy! I went thru a lot of picture books yesterday,and today I will watch the video that your Aunt Toni made of you and oh my God, Jordy it brings back so,so much! We used to get so many laughs over you, remember when you used the tool for starting fires in the wood burner for a guitar,and you walked around the house singing? Your Uncle John got that on a video tape. You know he really wanted to put your picture on the alter at his wedding,but he also didn't want there to be a sad moment for none of us,he wanted all to be happy,especially your Mom,and she was cause that Little Bailey put on her own show! You would've laughed your butt off at her!! The 2 years we have had with out you,has taken a tole on all our lives,and like your Mom says, we are just looking forward to seeing you again and hugging you,seeing that beautiful smile of yous,so don't loose it OK?  Jared Weiner came to see us a couple nights ago,he has been in Alaska for a yr. and now in a few days hes off for another country, so keep him in your hands Jordy and keep him safe. He has grown up alot,and looks good,but he was so happy to see us,and he has visited your grave,but you already knew that,huh? Keep your Mom very close to you Hon,tonite and tomm. cause she needs you so.
I love and miss you more than words can say,and I hope someday you visit me in my dreams,as long as its a good dream,that is!!! Until next time xoxoxo
                                                 Mamma

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WHAT DO I DO, WITHOUT YOU!  / YOUR MOMMA (MOM)
I THINK ABOUT WHAT I HAVE LOST.  GOD SAYS THAT WE WILL BE TOGETHER AGAIN SOMEDAY. THAT GIVES ME SOME COMFORT, BUT YET THAT SEEMS LIKE IT WILL BE SUCH A LONG TIME. SO WHAT DO I DO WITHOUT YOU NOW? JUST BE MISERABLE? WHY?? BECAUSE IT'S JUST THE WAY IT IS? I HAVE MET SO MANY FRIENDS ON THE MEMORY-OF & PREIOUS MEMORIALS. SO MANY MOM'S., FAMILIES IN SO MUCH PAIN.JUST TRYIN TO SURVIVE IN THIS GREAT BIG CRAZY WORLD, WITHOUT ONE OF THEIR CHILDREN. SOME HAVE LOST MORE THAN ONE & SOME THEIR ONLY CHILD. IF IT IS EVEN RIGHT TO SAY, I FEEL LUCKY THAT I HAVE 2 OTHER CHILDREN & 4 GRANDCHILDREN THAT I LOVE WITH EVERYTHING IN ME. SOME DON'T EVEN HAVE THAT.
MY SON, HE WAS SO MUCH MY LITTLE BOY, EVEN GROWN UP. WE WERE SO CLOSE. HE KNEW ME & I KNEW HIM. LIKE THE BACKS OF OUR HANDS. IN A WAY HE REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF ME GROWING UP. SORT OF INDEPENDENT~ MORE GROWN UP. HE WAS A WORLD WITHIN THIS WORLD. SO DIFFERENT, SO UNIQUE. ALWAYS SOMETHING GOING ON WITH HIM. HE HAD DRIVE, DRIVE THAT I DON'T SEE IN ALOT OF YOUNG MEN HIS AGE. YES, HE WAS ALOT LIKE ME.   BUT......... WHEN HIS DRIVE LEFT HIM, SO DID MINE. HE HAS HALF OF ME WITH HIM. I AM LIVING WITH THE OTHER HALF & IT IS SO HARD, SOME DAYZ!!I KNOW TAHT I WILL NEVER BE WHOLE AGAIN. BUT I WANT TO FEEL GOOD AGAIN.I AM TRIED OF BEING SAD ALL THE TIME. JORDAN SEND ME SOME OF THAT ENERGY OF YOURS, GIVE ME A SWIFT KICK IN THE BUTT..... GET ME UP & MOVIN AGAIN. I'M SURE YOU WANT TO. 
SATURDAY WILL BE A VERY TOUGH DAY. 2 YEARS WOW!! ACTUALLY IT FEELS LIKE IT'S BEEN LONGER FOR ME. PAIN WILL TOTALLY DRAIN A PERSON & IT FEELS LIKE I'VE BEEN LIKE THIS ALOT LONGER THAN 2 YEARS.  SO WHAT DO I DO? I WILL BE THINKING ABOUT YOU. I ASK THAT YOU BE WITH YOUR SISTER  ON THE BALL FIELD. HELP HER HIT HOME RUNS. MAKE HER HAPPY, HAPPY WITH HERSELF. LER HER KNOW YOU ARE RIGHT THERE BESIDE HER. SOME PEOPLE DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHY WE CONCENTRATE MUCH ON BALL WITH HER. WE PUT OUR HEART INTO IT, IT KEEPS US GOING & GETS US THRU ANOTHER DAY. 
I'LL TALK TO YA SOON O.K.
I LOVE YOU WITH ALL MY HEART!
LOVE, MOMMA Close