I JUST WANTED TO TALK A BIT. IT'S LATE GOT HOME FROM WORK AT A BIT AGO,DON'T FEEL LIKE GOIING TO BED SO HERE I AM. I WISH YOU WERE HERE SITTING AT THE END OF MY BED OR ME AT THE END OF YOUR'S, JUST TALKING LIKE WE USE TO. I MISS THOSE DAYS TERRIBLY!! I HAVENT SLEPT WELL AT ALL. I HAVE WORRIED MYSELF SICK ABOUT GRANDPA RUSSELL. I HAVE SO MANY HEADACHES, THAT THERE ARE TIMES, I'D LIKE TO BLOW MY BRAINS OUT & NO, IM NOT KIDDING. NO INSURANCE ANYMORE...... I WORRY ABOUT EVRYTHING. I HAVE LOST CONTROL OF MY WHOLE LIFE. I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO MISERABLE ,, FOR SO, SO LONG!!I WISH I KNEW WHAT TO DO.
I WORRY ABOUT UNCLE MIKE. I THINK HE MADE A MISTAKE. I KNOW HIS WIFE LOVED HIM SO MUCH JORDAN. I KNOW HE LOVED HER TO. I THINK THEY COULD HAVE WORKED THINGS OUT. NOW I WORRY ABOUT HIM ALL THE TIME. HE IS THERE ALONE, EXCEPT FOR HIS FRIENDS. MARLA ALWAYS WAS THER FOR HIM. I REALLY, REALLY THOUGHT EVERYTHING WAS O.K. FOR THEM. I LOVE HER. I HAD TO DO ALOTOF SOUL SEARCHING & UNDERSTAND EVERYTHING, BUT SHE IS A GOOD PERSON & NOW I AM AFRAID MIKE MADE A MISTAKE.HE SAYS HE'S O.K. WILL YOU PLEASE JUST KEEP WATCH OVER HIM BUB?
THEN GRANDPA, HE IS NOT GOOD AT ALL. JORDAN, LOSING HIM.... IT WILL TEAR ME UP SP BAD. I LOVE HIM SO, SO MUCH.. HE HAS BEEN HERE FOR ME, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU PASSED ON. HE LOVED YOU SO MUCH BUB... I KNOW, THAT THE CHAIN WILL KEEP LINKING.... I AM JUST NOT READY TO LOSE HIM.... I WILL NEVER BE, JUST LIKE YOU!
IF ANYONE SHOULD GO, IT SHOULD BE ME. I AM LOST , I AM SO, SO READY.. MY WILL TO LIVE HAS DIMINISHED DRASTICALLY. I LOVE MY FAMILY, BUB, DONT GET ME WRONG... I AM JUST TIRED. TIRED OF THE HEADACHES, TIRED OF MY WEIGHT GAIN & NOT BEING ABLE TO CONTROL MYSELF AT ALL, MY BODY HURTS ALL THE TIME, MY HEART NEVER STOPS HURTING... IT SHOULD BE ME NEXT...
THEN THERE IS YOUR OLDEST SISTER. I WORRY MYSELF SICK ABOUT HER & THE KIDS. HER LIFE IS A TOTAL MESS. NO MONEY, REALLY NO HOME OF THERE OWN. CANNOT GET A PLACE RIGHT NOW, IF EVER. I HAVE NOTHING TO GIVE THEM ANYMORE. I CANNOT EVEN BEGIN TO HELP ANYMORE, WITH ANYTHING. THEIR LIVES ARE A SHAMBLE. THEN EVERYTHING HERE IS GOING UP. GAS NOW IS $ 3.45 AGALLON. YOU WOULD LITERALLY CRAP. MILK IS ALMOST $4.00 A GALLON. A DOZEN OF EGGS TONIGHT COST ME $2.00. A LOAF OF BREAD NOW IS OVER$1.50. POP SURE ISNT WHAT IT WAS WHEN YOU LEFT HERE IN 2005 EITHER. YOU WOULD STILL BE LIVING AT HOME, BECAUSE THERE IS NO WAY YOU WOULD PAY THOSE PRICES.THERE IS YOUR SISTER WITH 4 BABIES, TO PAY FOR. HECK YEAH, I WORRY!!!
LIFE JUST SUCKS HERE ON EARTH BUB. I DONT KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO EVERYONE, I REALLY DONT.
I SOUND LIKE SO MUCH OF A BITCHER, DONT I?? I'M SORRY....I KNOW YOU SEE WHAT IS GOING ON & PROBABLY GLAD YOU ARE NOT HERE.
HAPPY ST PARTICK'S DAY / Diane/Mom To Angel Jimmy Brozzetti Read >>
HAPPY ST PARTICK'S DAY / Diane/Mom To Angel Jimmy Brozzetti Close
HI SWEETIE PIE! / YOUR MOMMA LOVE YOU (MOMMA)Read >>
HI SWEETIE PIE! / YOUR MOMMA LOVE YOU (MOMMA)
THOUGHT I'D WRITE A FEW LINES.TRY & UPDATE YOU A LITTLE.
IT HAS BEEN SNOWING FOR SO LONG!!! YOU WOULD LOVE THIS, SLEIGH RIDING OF COURSE!! I AM SO READY FOR IT TO GO AWAY & BE SPRING & SUMMER LIKE, TOMMORROW!! NO CHANCE OF THAT I KNOW.
I WAS TOLD YOUR GRAVESITE IS A MESS!! I AM SO, S SORRY, I AHVENT BEEN THERE BUB. I WILL, I PROMISE AS SOON AS I GET A DAY OFF & IT IS DECENT.I NEVER WANTED IT TO EVER GET LIKE THAT. I KNEW I MADE A MISTAKE BURYING YOU SO FAR AWAY FROM ME. I JUST WISH I WOULDNT OF HAD TO BURY YOU AT ALL!! I HATE IT WHEN IT GETS LIKE THIS OUTSIDE. I KNOW YOU ARE NOT THERE IN SPIRIT, BUT I HATE THE FACT THAT YOUR BODY IS LAYING UNDER ALL THAT SNOW....... I WORRY ABOUT YOU BEING SO COLD... I WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING , I KNOW!
I AM DOING BETTER THAN THE LAST CONVERSATION I HAD WITH YOU. I DO NOT LIKE MY JOB. IT IS NOT BUSY ENOUGH FOR ME & IT DOES NOT PAY NEAR ENOUGH. I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO JORDAN. I DONT KNOW WHAT I WANT. I FEEL LIKE IF I AM GOING TO WORK SOMEWHERE, I WANT TO BE PAID GOOD & I WANT TO WORK & NOT STAND AROUND FOR MOST OF THE DAY. I AM HOPING FOR THE AVON JOB. I HOPE TO GOD ME & YOUR UNCLE MIKE WILL HAVE A CHANCE & GET ON THERE. IT WILL BE TOUGH KNOWING THAT EVERYONE ELSE WILL BE TRYING ALSO.ALL WE CAN DO IS TRY!
YOUR SISTER IS IN A MESS. JORDAN, AS USUAL, PLEASE, PLEASE I AM BEGGING YOU LEAD THAT GIRL IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION. I AM SO SICK OF ALL THIS. I WORRY SO MUCH ABOUT HER & THE KIDS. I WANT HER OUT OF THE LIFE SHE IS IN & IN A BETTER ONE, WHERE SHE CAN JUST TAKE CARE OF HER & THE KIDS & NOT HAVE TO BABYSIT SOMEONE WHO WILL NEVER CHANGE. I AM SO SACRED OF WHAT THIS LI FE WILL DO TO THESE KIDS. THEY ARE WAY TO YOUNG TO GO THRU THIS BUB!
WELL I GOTTA GET OFF HERE. I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH JORDAN RYAN , COME SEE ME IN MY PRAYERS TONIGHT, PLEASE!!!
I HAD A VERY BAD NIGHT LAST NITE. ONE OF MY VERY WORST IN A LONG TIME.I DID WATCH A MOVIE, MAYBE THAT IS WHAT STARTED IT. BUT IT DID NOT END AT MIDNIGHT. I WENT TO BED AFTER IT WAS OVER, SOON TO DISCOVER THAT SLEEP WOULD NOT COME,ONLY TEARS. I COULDN'T STOP, SO I HAD TO GET, SO I WOULD NOT WAKE MARK UP. I WAS IN A VERY BAD WAY. I LOST CONTROL, I HAVENT DONE THAT FOR A LONG TIME. SO MANY THINGS HAVE BEEN GOING ON. LOSING MY JOB, FOR GOOD AFTER 15 YEARS. THAT, I FELT WAS MY ONLY SECURITY. IT WAS SOMETHING THAT IS TILL HAD. I HAVE HAD & LOST SO MANY TIMES. LOSING YOU BEING THE WORST EVER, BUT IT JUST DOESNT STOP THERE. LOSING YOU, WEAKENED ME, IN MANY, MANY WAYS. NO ONE CAN SEE IT FROM LOOKING AT ME. ONLY I CAN FEEL IT, WITH EVERY PASSING DAY. THEY SAY IT GETS EASIER, I WISH I COULD SAY THAT THEY ARE ALL RIGHT. I CAN'T. EVERYTIME SOMETHING GOOD OR BAD HAPPENS TO ME. I WANT YOU HERE WITH ME, SO I CAN TALK TO YOU ABOUT IT, LIKE I ALWAYS DID. YOUR NOT HERE. MAYBE IN SPIRIT, BUT I CANNOT FEEL YOU.
HOW IS IT THAT THE MIND & BODY KEEPS GOING, WHETHER THE HEART HAS BEEN BROKEN & SHUT DOWN?? I WISH I COULD UNDERSTAND THAT BETTER.
I AM ANGRY, VERY, VERY ANGRY. DO I WANT TO BE?? NO, I DO NOT! I AM USAULLY A HAPPY GO LUCKY PERSON. I TRY SO HARD TO KEEP A SMILE ON AT ALL TIMES.
MY ANGER RADIATES AROUND 2-3 PEOPLE. I SAT IN YOUR ROOM ALL NIGHT READING POLICE REPORTS. TRYING SO, SO HARD TO HAVE A MORE FRESH LOOK AT THE WHOLE OF THE EARLY MORNING HOURS OF JUNE, 30, 2005. THE MORE I READ , THE MORE ANGRY I BECAME. SAD PART IS, IT'S JUST NOT TOWARDS THE ONE WHO TOOK YOUR LIFE. IT WAS ALOT TO DO WITH THE RAESONING BEHIND IT ALL. I AM SO DAMN ANGRY, HONESTLY I COULD STRANGLE.... SORRY BUB, I AM SO SURE YOU DO NOT WANT TO HEAR THAT.I HAVE HAD IT, I WANT SOMEONE TO PAY FOR TAKING YOU AWAY FROM ME. A 10 YEAR PRISON SENTENCE IS NOT GONNA GET IT. NOT BY FAR. THERE ARE OTHERS ONE WHO NEED TO PAY ALSO. I HOPE TO GOD, THAT THE MAN UPSTAIRS IS LISTENING. IT IS UP TO HIM, I KNOW...... BUT...........!!! O.K I AM DONE. I WANT YOU BACK & CANNOT HAVE YOU, WHILE ALL THESE OTHERS THAT HAD EVERYTHING TO DO, WITH YOU LOSING YOUR LIFE ARE ALL RUNNIN AROUND & LIVING LIFE. I LISTEN FROM REPORT TO REPORT, HOW YOUR DEATH HAPPENED. I DONT GIVE A CRAP WHAT ANYONE SAY'S. I KNOW YOU SUFFERED. HOW YOU COULD GO DOWN, HOLDING YOUR NECK THAT HAD BEEN SLICED OPEN & GET UP & TRY TO KEEP MOVING. ALL THE STAB WOUNDS, BULLSHIT, A LITTLE ALCHOL, OR NOT IN YOUR SYSTEM, I KNOW YOU FELT IT.5 STAB WOUNDS. WHY???? WHY DID IT TAKE 5 TO PUT YOU DOWN & THAT ASS, TELLING YOU TO BLEDD M-FER , BLEED...... THAT WILL FOREVER HAUNT ME. THEN WE HAVE A PUSS SITTIN BACK WATCHIN IT ALL HAPPEN & ALL"I'M SACRED, I SEEN A KNIFE". WHY IN THE HELL DIDN'T HE TRY TO INTERVENE, WHEN IT WAS ALL ABOUT HIM FROM THE GET GO???? F'N COWARD!!!! THAT'S O.K. HOW THE HECK DO YOU MAKE IT ON A ER TEAM IF YOU CANNOT DO WHAT YOU SHOULD. I FEEL SORRY FOR ANYBODY THAT EXPECTS HIM, TO TRY & SAVE THEIR LIFE...
I'M DON GOTTA GO, I AM LOSING CONTROL AGAIN!!
I LOVE YOU, MY PRECIOUS SON, MORE THAN I WILL EVER BE ABLE TO TELL YOU!1
MY, MY WHAT A CRAZY COUPLE DAYZ... I'M O.K I THINK... THE TEARS WILL NOT STOP TODAY.... WONDER WHY???
I DREAMED OF U ALL NIGHT LONG. U WERE RIGHT THERE, BUT YET U HAD ALREADY DIED. I WAS HURTING SO, SO BAD. CRYING SO HARD ALL NIGHT. NO WONDER I WOKE UP WITH THIS AWFUL HEADACHE...YOU HAD ALREADY LEFT THIS EARTH BUB, BUT U CAME BACK... LETER OF COURSE.. WHEN U CAME BACK I WAS SO HAPPY, BUT I NEVER GOT TO SEE U, U WERE ALWAYS WITH UR FRIENDS OR AT SOMEONE'S HOUSE & I CRIED SO, SO MUCH... ALL I WANTED WAS FOR U TO COME BE WITH ME, I JUST WANTED TO SPEND TIME WITH U, LOVE U & SEE U... BUT I COULDNT GET THRU TO U, WHAT IT WAS I NEEDED SO BAD, SO I CRIED ALL NIGHT LONG IT FELT LIKE & I WOKE UP FEELING LIKE I HAD BEEN BEAT UP OVER THE NIGHT, HEADACHE & ALL.
BUT I DID GET TO SEE UR FACE AGAIN, I AM THANKFUL FOR THAT. I GET SO SCARED SOMETIMES, IT WILL BE 3 YEARS SOON & I AM SACRED THAT I WILL FORGET HOW YOU LOOKED, YO UR VOICE, EVERYTHING, OMG.... THAT CANNOT HAPPPEN TO ME, I WILL NOT BE ABLE TO DEAL WITH THAT. YEAH, YOUR PICTURES ARE EVERYWHERE HERE, BUT I WANT TO REMEBER YOU WIOITHOUT THE PICTURES, YA KNOW.
MY LIFE HAS TAKEN ANOTHER BLOW YET.. I AM SURE YOU KNOW, PROBABLY FELT MY TEARS & MY PAIN YESTERDAY. MY HEART IS SO HEAVY AGAIN... I HURT SO, SO BAD BUB, I HAVE TRIED SO HARD TO FIGHT IT BUT I CANT NOW.. I KNOW I AM NOT ALONE, THERE ARE SO MANY INVOLVED..........WHY? I AM SURE GOD HAS A REASON...15 YEARS OF HAVING A GOOD JOB, NOW IT IS ALL GONE.THE SAD PART IS, IT'S NOT JUST THE JOB, IT'S ANOTHER FAMILY TO ME. I HAVE BEEN WITH THOSE PEOPLE 8 HRS. A DAY FOR 15 YEARS. I HAVE LOST SO, SO MUCH AGAIN. THE ONLY THING THAT WILL KEEP ME GOING IS YOU BUB. I LOST THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN MY LIFE & I HAVE SURVIVED,I AM NOT THE SAME BUT I AM STILL HERE... I CAN SURVIVE THIS ALSO. LOT'S OF CHANGES.... LOT'S OF COURAGE & DETEMINATION.... GOD I HURT...I WANT YOU HERE WITH ME, BUB. IT'S BAD ENOUGH TO DEAL WITH LOSING MY JOB, BUT I WILL NEVER DEAL WITH LOSING YOU... IF I HAD U IT WOULD BE BETTER, I KNOW IT WOULD... PLEASE HELP ME, BE WITH ME, GET ME THRU THIS...
I'm sorry for your loss / Kathrin S. (haven't know him )Read >>
I'm sorry for your loss / Kathrin S. (haven't know him )
Hello!
I feel sorry for your loss! Your website for your son is beautiful and I think he's up there in heaven smiling down on you now!
I lost my son 2 years ago and I know how hard it is... wish you all the best.
If you like, come and visit my memorial website for Noah (it's in German but there's a possibility to have it translated). That would mean a lot to me.
GOOD MORNING LITTLE SUNSHINE / MARY RUSSELL (GRAMMA)Read >>
GOOD MORNING LITTLE SUNSHINE / MARY RUSSELL (GRAMMA)
HI LITTLE ONE, WELL AS YOU KNOW TODAYS YOUR MOMMA'S BIRTHDAY,AND OH WHAT A GOOD ONE I HOPE YOU COULD GIVE HER! A BEAUTIFUL HAPPY FACE,A CARD FROM HEAVEN WOULD WORK EVEN,BUT THATS ASKING A LOT I KNOW! BUT KNOWING YOU ARE WITH HER AND WATCHING OUT FOR HER MEANS A LOT,BUT SHE WOULD REALLY LIKE TO SEE YOUR FACE,THAT WOULD BE THE BEST OF ALL. I HOPE SHE CAN MAKE IT TO THE PARTY WE ARE HAVING ON SUN. ITS FOR ALL THE BIRTHDAYS IN FEB. AND SHE NEEDS TO HAVE FUN JUST 1 DAY! NO WORK,NO WORRIES,JUST LOTS OF FUN AND LAUGHTER. THERES SO MUCH STRESS IN THIS BIG FAMILY RIGHT NOW AND PAIN,I'M SURE YOU KNOW IT ALL,MIKE,TONI,SHEILA ANITA, YOUR SISTER!!!!! ALL WAY TOO MUCH TO HANDLE,THATS WHY WE NEED A DAY TO LAUGH,AND I'M SURE YOU AGREE. LITTLE THOMAS IS ABOUT TO GO INTO SURGERY AS I'M WRITING THIS,AND I CALLED HIM ON THE PHONE A LITTLE BIT AGO,AND HE COULDN'T TALK,SO WILL YOU TELL GOD TO WATCH OVER HIM,I HOPE THEY DON'T HAVE TO PUT THE THING DOWN HIS THROAT,CAUSE THAT IS THE WORST. JUST BE WITH HIM JORDAN AND TELL HIM IT WILL BE OK,AND NOT TO BE SCARED. I LOVE AND MISS YOU SO AND WISH YOU COULD HELP DUSTIN AND ASHLEY THRU SOME BAD DECISSIONS THEY ARE MAKING,BEFORE ITS TOO LATE. YOU WERE DOWN THAT ROAD AND KNOW ALL ABOUT WHAT THEY ARE GOING THRU,RIGHT? I KNOW YOU WOULDN'T HAVE AGREED WITH ME A FEW YEARS AGO,TO TALK TO GOD AND ASK FOR HELP AND GUIDENCE,BUT YOU KNOW DIFFERENTLY NOW,AND MAYBE YOU CAN GUIDE THEM. YOU ARE OUR ROCK NOW BUB AND WE WILL ASK A LOT OF YOU,BUT YOU DON'T MIND,RIGHT? LOTS OF LOVE COMING YOUR WAY,HON NOW I HOPE YOU CAN VISIT YOUR MOM IN HER DREAMS ON HER BIG DAY!!!! TILL NEXT TIME XOXOXO GRAMMA RUSSELL Close
HI SWEETY! / YOUR MOMMA (BIGGEST FAN )
O.K MY BUB, I HAVE TO GO BACK TO MY LAST BIRTHDAY WHEN YOU WERE HERE. THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN IN 2005. I WOULD HAVE TURNED 38. IT WAS A SATURDAY, I THINK, OR SUNDAY. I KNOW I WAS OFF THAT DAY, SO IT HAD TO BE THE WEEKEND.IT WAS SO COLD, JUST LIKE IT IS NOW. WE HAD SNOW, OUR WATER LINES FROOZE. FOR THE FIRST & LAST TIME. I WOKE UP THAT MORNING, EARLY & NO WATER, NOTHING!! I HAD TO GET DRESSED & GO TO WALMART & BUY WATER & THINGS FOR BREAKFAST. MARK WENT OUT & GOT UNDER THE TRAILER & USED THE BIG HEATER & WITHIN A FEW HRS. WE HAD WATER AGAIN. YOU STAYED IN YOUR ROOM FOR A LOONG TIME BEFORE YOU CAME OUT & WHEN YOU DID, YOU BROUGHT ME OUT THE SWEETEST BIRTHDAY CARD, THAT YOU SIT IN YOUR ROOM & MADE FOR ME.YOU TALKED ABOUT THE BAD DAY I WAS HAVING, WAKING UP WITH NO WATER & ALL. I LOVED THAT CARD, EVERYTIME YOU MADE ME ONE, YOU DID SUCH AN AWESOME JOB. YOUR DAD USE TO MAKE ME CARDS TO. I GUESS YOU GOT THAT FROM HIM. THAT CARD MADE MY DAY. I STILL HAVE IT & READ IT AT LEAST EVERY 3- 4 MONTHS. I KEPT THEM ALL. YOU THINK I HAD A BAD DAY THAT DAY BUB?? IT IS NOTHING COMPARED TO MY BIRTHDAY'S SINCE THEN, WITHOUT YOU!! I WILL NEVER HAVE ANOTHER "GOOD" BIRTHDAY. MAYBE WHEN WE ARE ALL TOGETHER AGAIN. I KNOW YOU WILL BE WITH ME TOMMORROW. I DONT KNOW IF I WILL BE GOING TO WORK OR NOT. THE WEATHER IS SUPPOSE TO GET BAD TONIGHT. I GUESS I WILL SEE WHEN I WAKE UP. AS YOU KNOW, I PUT MY 2 WEEK NOTICE IN FOR MY HOME DEPOT JOB. IT WAS KILLIN ME WORKIN LIKE THAT & ALMOST EVERY WEEKEND. I WILL WORK THIS WEEKEND & NEXT & THEN I WILL BE DONE. THEYW TOLD ME THAT IF I EVER NEED IT BACK, IT WILL BE THERE FOR ME. SO, THAT LIFFTED MY SPIRITS ALOT. WELL YOU HAVE A GOOD EVENING IN HEAVEN, LIKE RYAN'S MOM SAID, AT LEAST WE KNOW THAT OUR ANGEL'S ARE WARM IN HEAVEN, HEAT DOES RISE DOESNT IT?LOL!1 I LOVE YOU WITH EVERY FIBER OF MY BEING LITTLE GUY!! LOVE, YOUR MOMMA Close
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY / JEANNIE MOM TO DUANE SUESS (CONNECTED BY ANGELS )Read >>
HAPPY VALENTINES DAY / JEANNIE MOM TO DUANE SUESS (CONNECTED BY ANGELS )
TIME FOR CHANGE / Anita Riley (Aunt)
I'm not sure who all reads this, but right now I don't care. There is only one person that I don't want to start trouble with right now, it's not time yet, and I know you know who that is. First of all, Sue, NEVER, NEVER, will Jordan be forgotten by any of us. NEVER. We hurt and suffer for you more right now, because we know Jordan is safe. Baby sister, how could you even think that? Second, Jordan, I need your strength right now. It's time that your nephew and niece came home with their real mom and dad. The more I learn, the more concerned and scared I am for them. I know it is going to be hard for them to be separated from where they are right now, but you of all people, and your mom, know, that there is enough love in this house right now to help them over come that. Grandpa Henry is going to get me his mother's house for my graduation gift. That will stop the moving around I have had to do all of my life. And if they can't stay with Ambie and Josh, they can stay with me until their parents are ready for them. They had so much fun here. And little Trin asks me why I can't come see them more at Kim's. It breaks my heart. And it kills me to hear little Timmy call Josh dad, and Amber, "Amber". He made a deal with me though the other day, that when he is here at my house, he is going to try to call her mommy. Help him out with that if you can. Just put it in his heart. I loved you both as my own for so long. Then I got so tied up and busy with my own life. I am sorrier than any one will ever know for that. When I attempted suicide years and years ago, your grandma Russell said to me "what about ambie, jordan, leslie and timmy? What would they do without you?" That is what straightened me up. You know that now. God put just the right words in her mouth at that time. I don't know what I have ever done for you, but I know I always loved all of you kids with all of my heart, like I said, like you were my own. I never thought I would have my own precious angels. So I considered you all mine. I hope you forgive me for screwing up my life like I did back then. But you see all from there, and you know why I feel like giving up some times. I know you feel the pain of all the people who love you. But I also know that when that calming and loving feeling comes over us in our worst moments, that it is you. I want to move back to Zanesville so bad right now. I want to be with my girls. I'm just not sure if it's the right move yet. Help me out bub. They need me so badly right now, in these sensitive years. They are growning up so fast. Think I already said that. LOL Well, I could write you a book. But I need to study. Feels wierd having two days off. All due to an injury. Love you so much. Big hugs and kisses your way. Forever........ Close
Thinking of you! / Amber (Your Big Sis )
Ok well as you know and I always tell you I have a hard time getting on here I always cry whenever I do. Because to me you are not gone, I don't believe and I never will. Yeah your not in your room, with your music blaring, or your t.v. running when you are asleep, you are just at a friends house chillin and watchin movies, you are not gone to me BUB. I know you are watching me, you got me out of that terrible place we were living and you are getting me closer to the people I need most, my family. I look at it like journey, I know it is not the best for my kids, but in some ways it is, they are getting to be closer to the people that loved US the best in our lives. I am going to be going to COTC in Newark up here where Anita and Leslie are going, to hopefully better myself, it is so hard finding a job hopefully you could put in a few words for me, from up there. I know you know I am struggling with Timmy and Trinity, leaving them was the hardest thing I have done in awhile, my heart breaks for them, and I wish there was something that could be done, but they are so dependent on her that it is so hard for me to step in. They were here with us for the night and it was so nice to have them in the same house with us, and not have her here interrupting our time together. Gosh bub I miss you so much, I feel like anything I do is not good enough in this life, I try really hard to make it worth while, but it seems like I am in a twister and it won't let up and just let me drop into happiness. I want to drop so bad, and everytime I think I am, I just keep getting swept back up into it. Well I better be getting my butt into bed, your neice's are early risers and I have to get up to tend to them, so I will leave you with I love you more than the moon and the stars in the sky, sky, sky. I know you hear me and Bay say that to each other everynight, And also I love you so so so much bubby, but bay says mommy, she is my angel, and my life, ok well I will get back on when I can muster up the nerve, and just let it all out. I love you sweetheart, and I will never forget you.
HEY BUB! / YOUR MOMMA (MOM)
HOW IS MY LIL GUY? GOOD I AM SURE. YOU ARE IN ALOT BETTER PLACE THAN THE LOT OF US. I AM SURE THE SUN SHINES BRIGHT EVERYDAY. NO PAIN NO HURT, NO WORRIES OR CARES. WOW, I CANNOT WAIT TILL I AM THERE WITH YOU. I HAVE THINGS TO DO STILL HERE THOUGH. MY TIME HAS NOT COME YET, BUT THE DAY IT DOES, MY HAPPIEST MOMENT WILL BE SEEING YOU & HOLDING YOU IN MY ARMS AGAIN. I'VE BEEN WORKING ALOT. I AM DRAINED.I TRY NOT TO WORRY ABOUT LOSING MY LONGABERGER JOB, EVERYDAY, BUT THINGS ARE BAD HERE ONT HIS EARTH BUB. THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT US GOING INTO A RECESSION. THAT MEANS NO ONE WILL BE BUYING BASKETS, NOT EVEN THE RICH!!I THINK IT IS INEVITABLE NOW. IT WILL BE OUT OF MY CONTROL. SO THERE IS NO SENSE GETTING SO UPSET. MY LIFE WILL GO THRU YET ANOTHER CHANGE, I GUESS. AS LONG AS WE HAVE A ROOF OVER OUR HEADS, SOMEWHERE~ I DONT KNOW IF WE WILL BE ABLE TO KEEP THE HOUSE IF I LOSE MY JOB. IT 'S O.K. THOUGH. I DONT HAVE TO HAVE TO HAVE IT. I LOVE IT & IT SURE IS NICE, BUT IF WE HAVE TO SELL WE WILL. HAHAHA~ IF WE CAN EVEN SELL!! YOUR SISTER"LIL" IS PLAYING BALL AT LEAST 4 TIMES A WEEK RIGHT NOW. TOURNAMENTS START THE 26TH. I WILL MISS THAT ONE BUT WILL BE THERE THE 27TH. SO MANY TIMES I HAVE WANTED TO QUIT THAT SECOND JOB, BUT FOR SOME ODD REASON, I DON'T. SO WHEN I AM NOT WORKING, I AM RUNNING. I LOVE IT THOUGH. AS YOU KNOW I'M SURE, SHE IS GOOD! SHE LOVES IT, IT MAKES HER HAPPY. SO, I WILL STICK WITH HER. I KNOW YOU ARE WITH HER ALSO. YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT HER & ALL THESE BOYS. SHE IS SUCH A BOY FREAK. SHE REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF ME, AT HER AGE. JUST WATCH OVER HER & KEEP HER SAFE ALWAYS O.K. YA KNOW, I LOOK AT YOUR PICTURES, I THINK OH MY GOD, THAT IS JORDAN. THAT IS MY SWEET LITTLE JORDAN & MY HEART STARTS BEATING SO FAST & THE TEARS WELL UP. I STILL TO THIS DAY, DON'T UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY THAT YOU ARE GONE. IT WILL BE 3 YEARS SOON. THEY HAVE FLOWN BY. I GET REALLY, REALLLY SCARED THAT SOON, EVERYONE WILL JUST COMPLETELY FORGET THAT YOU WERE HERE & IN THIS FAMILY. THAT IS SO SCARY BUB. BUT AFTER SO LONG, IT HAPPENS. I'VE HEARD IT FROM OTHER'S. SO AFTER 10 YEARS, WILL YOU BE OUT OF EVERYONES MINDS? NEVER MINE. I JUST MEAN, LIKE OUT OF SIGHT OUT OF MIND. GOD, I LOVE YOU SO, SO VERY MUCH, WHAT I WOULD GIVE TO AHVE YOU BACK HERE WITH ME. I'D FEEL SO MUCH BETTER, EVERYTHING WOULD BE FOR REAL AGAIN. I COULD BUY YOU THINGS. I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR YOU SAY " HELLO BEAUTIFUL". THAT'S WHAT YOU ALWAYS CALLED ME, WHY, I DON'T KNOW! I KNOW WITHOUT A DOUBT , YOU LOVED ME BACK WITH ALL YOUR HEART & STILL DO. COME SEE ME IN MY DREAMS O.K. I WONT BE AFRAID. LET ME KNOW HOW YOU ARE DOING. YOUR OTHER SISTER, AMBER IS GETTING READY TO MOVE IN WITH ANITA. I AM SO HOPING & PRAYING THAT THIS WILL WORK FOR ALL OF THEM. I THINK THEY NEED EACH OTHER RIGHT NOW. I WANT THEM TO HAVE ACCESS TO GETTING A JOB, BUB & THEY DIDNT WHERE THEY WERE AT. SHE IS 24 YEARS OLD NOW & HAS NOTHING, BUT THSOSE KIDS. NOT EVEN A PLACE TO CALL HOME. IT IS SO TIME. I KNOW THINGS ARE BAD RIGHT NOW, BUT HOPEFULLY THEY WILL BE ABLE TO FIND A JOB FOR NOW & HELP OUT AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. I WORRYABOUT THE KIDS ALL THE TIME. GOD , THEY SO NEED A PALCE TO CALL HOME & A FOUNDATION OTHERTHAN WHAT THEY AHVE HAD, ESPECIALLY FOR THE LAST FEW MONTHS. PLEASE JUST WATCH OVER THEM ALL, & THE REST OF US. I DONT EVER GET TO TALK TO THE FAMILY MUCH AT ALL ANYMORE. KEEP THEM ALL SAFE!! I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON & BACK, BUB! LOVE, MOMMA Close
It All Seems Surreal / Aunt Anita (Aunt)
Can you believe that Larissa now has her permit? You would be a decent teacher for her. LOL You were a brave one. They sure miss you babysitting them. I miss babysitting you and ambie. Be Rissi's guardian on these crazy roads. I don't think I'm going to be able to handle her getting her license and driving alone without me there. They are growing up so fast. All of them. So much going on with all the teens in this family right now. Guide them in any way you can please. I'm so scared of the same fate for any of them as was for you. You did not deserve this. Neither did your parents or siblings. None of us. My two got my sad emotions. I feel for them. They become so attached. They hold on too tightly. They were all at such a tender age when you left us. It left such a mark on their souls. They are all so confused. We love and miss you so much. I just pray you feel that at all times. That you know how much you are loved and missed. Give hugs and kisses to all our family and friends there with you. I know we ALL must live and die, but it is so hard knowing we are aging and in line to leave this earth and leave our loved ones behind. That's the hardest part, leaving those here that we love so much. Gotta go. Loving my new job, so far. Miss ya bub. Close
HELLO/ YOUR MOMMA (MOM)
WELL BUB YHE YEAR 2008 IS JUST ABOUT HERE. COME JUNE IT WILL BE 3 YEARS, YOU'VE BEEN GONE. YES, I HAVE SURRIVED IT, BUT NOT EMOTIONALLY. NOW I WILL DO A DIFFERENT COUNTDOWN, ONE THAT GET'S ME CLOSER TO SEEING YOU. WE HAD AN O.K CHRISTMAS. IT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AS IT WAS WITH YOU HERE. POOR CHEY, OPEN'S PRESENTS BY HERSELF. I HATE THAT. I LIKED IT SO MUCH BETTER WHEN IT WAS THE 3 OF YOU, ALL HERE , ALL TOGETHER. YOUR 4 NIECES & NEPHEW, I THINK HAD A GOOD CHRISTMAS. I ENJOYED THEM SO MUCH. I ENJOYED THE TIME THEY WERE ALL HERE. THEY STAYED OVER CHRISTMAS NIGHT. JOSH & I DID THE COOKING THE NEXT DAY. WE HAD ALL YOUR AUNTS, UNCLES & COUSINS HERE WITH GRANDPA HENRY. YES, I KNOW YOU KNEW WE HAD A HOUSE FULL. BUT IT TURNED OUT GOOD I THOUGHT. THEN WE ALL LEFT & WENT TO GRANDPARENT RUSSELL'S. I DID STOP AT THE CEMETERY, BUT IT WAS SO DARK. I AM SO SORRY THERE WAS NOT A CANDLE BURNING FOR YOU FOR CHRISTMAS. I JUST WANT TO DIG YOU UP & BRING YOU CLOSER TO ME, SO I CAN BE THERE ALL THE TIME & AMKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR CANDLE LIT FOR CHRISTMAS. I HAD ONE BURNING HERE. FOR YOU & MARK'S PARENTS & OUR OTHER LOVED ANGEL'S WHO ARE WITH YOU. I HAVE SPENT ALL DAY TEARING DOWN & PUTTING AWAY ALL THE CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS. I REMEMBER HOW YOU ALWAYS USE TO HELP ME. YOU ALWAYS PUT MY LIGHTS ON FOR ME, OR HELPED ME I SHOULD SAY. GOD, JORDY, I KNOW IN MY HEART IF YOU WERE STILL HERE, YOU WOULD STILL BE DOING IT FOR ME. I ALSO KNOW YOU WOULD STILL BE LIVING HERE & GOING TO COLLEGE. I JUST KNOW IT!! AS THE NEW YEAR APPROACHES, I WILL BE MAKING A FEW CHANGES IN MY LIFE. ALL GOOD, I HOPE. YOU WILL KNOW WHAT THEY ARE, YOU WILL BE HERE WITH ME PUSHING ME ALONG. A VERY GOOD HEALTH CHECK IS IN STORE. I AHVE SOMETHING SERIOUSLY WRONG WITH ME & I WILL BLAME IT ON MY WEIGHT. MY CHEST PAINS ARE TERIBLE. I KNOW MY BLOOD PRESSURE IS WAY UP. WHO KNOWS WHAT ELSE. SO YES THE WEIGHT AS ALWAYS, AN ISSUE, I HAVE TO WORK ON. I BELIEVE THAT I WILL GET MARRIED NOW. I THINK I AM AS READY AS I WILL EVER BE. I LOVE MARK WITH ALL MY HEART. HE LOVES ME. WE WILL ALWAYS BE TOGETHER, SO WE MAY AS WELL JUST DO IT. I AM REALLY ALL HE HAS LEFT NOW. HE HAS HIS FAMILY STILL, I KNOW. BUT I AM THE ONE WHO IS HERE FOR HIM. ME & CHEY, AMBER. HE LOVES THE BABIES TO. SO, GOD WILLING, WE WILL DO IT & MAKE IT WORK ALWAYS! WELL GOTTA GET BACK TO WORK. I LOVE YOU TO THE MOON & BACK! MOMMA Close
ANOTHER EVE & CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU / YOUR MOMMA I. LOVE YOU (MOM)Read >>
ANOTHER EVE & CHRISTMAS WITHOUT YOU / YOUR MOMMA I. LOVE YOU (MOM)
WHERE IS THE CALM IN THE STORM THAT IS GOING ON INSIDE ME RIGHT NOW? I THINK I'VE TOLD MYSELF FOR WEEKS THAT I WAS GOING TO BE O.K. I TIED TO TALK MYSELF INTO IT,AS USUAL I HAVE MADE A FOOL OF MYSELF. I WORKED TODAY AT HOME DEPOT & HAD A SMILE ON MY FACE ALL DAY. SAYING JUST SMILE, KEEP SMILING, NO ONE WILL EVEN BEGIN TO NOTICE THE PAIN THAT HAD STARTED AGAIN TO WELL UP. I MADE IT THRU WORK. THEN I COME HOME & SEE MARK SITTING THERE & I CAN FEEL HIS PAIN ALSO, AS IT WAS MY OWN.I LIT A CANDLE FOR YOU,MY GRANDPARENTS, DICK, CONNIE & ALL THOSE OTHER CHILDREN & YOUNG ONES WHO HAS PASSED ON. SO OUR MOOD TONIGHT WAS NOT THE BEST. WE WERE INVITED FOR CHRISTMAS ATRICK & TAMMY'S, MARK JUST COULDNT' PULL IT TOGETHER ENOUGH TO THINK ABOUT IT. I THINK HE IS SO AFRAID OF CRYING, OF LOSING IT. PLEASE BUB, GIVE HIS PARENTS A HUG FOR HIM. I KNOW THAT LOSING YOU WAS THE WORST I WILL EVER GO THRU, BUT WHEN I LOSE MY PARENTS, WELL I CAN'T EVEN IMAGINE, THE PAIN & LONLINESS. THEY HAVE TAKEN CARE OF ME THEIR WHOLE LIVES. MOM IS THERE WHENEVER I NEED HER,ESPECIALLY THRU LOSING YOU. SHE IS JUST A PHONE CALL AWAY. WHAT WILL I DO , WHEN I HAVE TO TELL HER GOODBYE. MY ONLY COMFORT WILL BE, IS THAT SHE WILL BE WITH HER PARENTS AGAIN, HER BROTHER & OF COURSE YOU. IT WOULD DO ME GOOD TO GO BEFORE HER. THEN I THINK ABOUT YOUR SISTERS.IT IS SUCH A CHAIN . GOD WILL ALWAYS KEEP US ALL TOGETHER, HE PROMISED US THAT, AS LONG AS WE BELIEVE. I DO!!!IT'S JUST REAL HARD SOMETIMES. I THINK OF THE REASON FOR THIS SEASON. I FEEL GRATEFUL & SO FULL OF LOVE. GOD GAVE ME LIFE, HE GAVE ME ALL THAT I HAVE, HE IS NOT SO CRUEL TO JUST RIP IT AWAY & NEVER LET US REUNTE AGAIN. SO I MUST LIFT MY CHIN FOR ANOTHER CHRISTMAS SEASON & GO ON. JUST TOSS ME SOME STRENGHT, I WILL NEED IT. WE HAVE A SOMEWHAT RELAXING DAY TOMMORROW. CHEY WILL BE HERE LATER, THEN AMBER, JOSH & THE 4 KIDS WILL COME TO STAY OVERNIGHT & UNWRAP THEIR GIFTS. PLEASE HELP ME, TO STAY UP TO IT. NO HEADACHES. IT IS SO TIME FOR THEM.I WNAT TO HAVE A GOOD TIME WITH THEM ALL. I WNAT THEM TO BE SO EXCITED & THANKFUL. BE HERE WITH US. THATS ALL I ASK!! THE 26TH I WILL HAVE A HOUSE FULL, GRANDPA HENRY & THE FAMILY WILL BE HERE, THEN AFTER THAT WE ARE HEADING TO GRANDPARENT RUSSELL'S HOUSE. TIM WILL BE HERE. I WAS SO HOPING MIKE WOULD SURPRISE US, BUT I KNOW IT'S IMPOSSIBLE WITH HIS NEW LIFE RIGHT NOW. I WILL THINK OF MARLA & HER HAVING HER FIRST CHRISTMAS WITHOUT HER MOM & MIKE. I FEEL SO DEEPLY FOR HER, BUB, BUT I NEED TO STAY QUIET. I THOUGHT I MIGHT TRY & CONTACT HER, BUT I DON'T WANT ANYONE TO BE UPSET. I WISH I HAD MAGICAL POWERS, WE WOULD ALL BE HAPPY, REGARDLESS THE CIRCUMSTANCES. WITH THIS , I WANT TO TELL YOU THAT I LOVE YOU SO VERY MUCH, MY HEART ACHES FOR YOU, I WISH I COULD JUST WRAP MY ARMS AROUND YOU. I'D NEVER LET GO, ONLY LONG ENOUGH TO LOOK AT YOU & KISS YOUR CHEEKS. WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU AGAIN, LOOK OUT! PLEASE ENJOY YOUR ENCHANTED DAY THIS CHRISTMAS IN HEAVEN. IF I LISTEN CLOSE ENOUGH, MAYBE I WILL HEAR THE ANGELS SINGING! GIVE ALL MY LOVED ONES A HUG & KISS FROM US. I'LL TALK TO YA LATER! WITH ALL MY LOVE HEART & SOUL, MOMMA Close
Thank you so much / Mama~j~benny Sumalinog (friend)Read >>
Thank you so much / Mama~j~benny Sumalinog (friend)
Dear Susan, thank you for the especially gift you send for me,and remembering my son Benny.my prayers are always for you and Jordan.Merry Christmas.God bless us all.marys,davao city,philippines Close
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